I, Josephine......am avoiding ironing the school uniform needed for tomorrow morning. I already know that in an hour, I will decide that I'll get up a bit earlier in the morning and do it then, and that I will then also snooze my alarm and get up at the very last minute, moaning and a grumbling about the ironing. I might try to talk man into doing it tonight, as some kind of balancing of the partnership scales, because I made him a lovely dinner and I always take the bins out....and give him his due, he'll happily agree, and then forget. Oh how I love traditions.
Lets talk about morning alarms shall we, now it's been mentioned? I set my phone alarm instead of an alarm clock....like a lot of people I guess, as it charges overnight next to the bed, fully ready for Instagram feed checks and weather reports in the morning. I've tried out the usual pre-programmed noises....a gribbitting frog, a car horn, a cheesy guitar riff, and they all infuriate me! Then my phone allowed me to use a music track that I had stored within its brain as an alarm. I'd had to clear 90% of my stored music to allow the update that made this possible, and the only album I had left was Sting and The Police. Every morning, Roxanne would wake me up. It was dark, it was cold, and the day threatened routine and work, and so I began to truly resent Roxanne....I mean I really developed an issue with this woman. There's no slow introduction to her, she just bolshes in without warning. Does she not have to put on that red light??? Really? Cos I've got to put on MY light, and get my arse out of bed and let the cat in, let the dog out, feed the cat, let the dog back in, feed the dog, get the rugrats up, make the tea....ETCETERA!!! And I like Sting! I saw him at the Isle Of Wight Festival when I was a smouldering single 27 year old......I closed my eyes when he sang 'So Lonely' and let the vodka and his voice carry me off. This Roxanne was getting right in the way and totally ruining a perfectly good memory!
I had to let Roxanne go. We'd been friends, and I wanted to still smile when I heard her name. This alarm was endangering our relationship.
She's been relegated in favour of 'Every Breath You Take'. 6:20am..... I'll be watching you.....