I know now, she should always have been here.
She's been patiently waiting, in the very back closet of my thoughts.....not rushing me, not worrying about the when's and the how's....just sitting, contentedly, for she knew one day, life would allow me some time to bring her home.
Her name is Agnes Spencer. Her namesake is a very sweet old lady that my path brought me to once upon a time. Agnes and I were friends from the beginning. She likes her tea the same as me.....strong and with one small sugar. She will leave every biscuit in the box for a ginger nut. Oh she's loves a ginger nut. And her smile brings a glow right to the very middle of me, for it is the brightest, most genuine, most loving smile I have ever seen, that lights the whole of her, and couldn't fail to warm even the coldest soul.
I don't get to see my friend the sweet old lady anymore, but I love having my Agnes Spencer here. She simply likes to be. Our family flies in and out of the door through all seasons, lugging drum cases and guitars out, dragging forgotten and unloved treasure home to be nurtured, children rush out with drama scripts and cinema tickets, cats climb in and out of windows, Chestnut tree leaves drift in during the Autumn.....and Agnes simply stands. She's happy to stand, as her namesakes legs tired out long ago. Agnes Spencer keeps her watchful eye on The Moo while we are away, and I'm sure she nods a knowing nod of agreement when I'm giving one of my Mother speeches, because she knows that Mum's know best. I have a little grumble to Agnes Spencer when I find a forgotten school newsletter in a blazer pocket.....I chunter a little moan about finding 7 half empty glasses of water in Monkey Socks' room, but Agnes Spencer and I both know that these little grumbles are the things I will miss when my children have flown the nest. Agnes is 93 years old, there's not much she doesn't know.
Having Agnes Spencer in my home is very good for me, and for her I believe. She makes me just stop. And take a minute. And I feel grateful for my legs, and my family, and for ginger nuts. I think Agnes is very happy to have some company. She enjoys the hustle and chaos, and the laughter and tears, because she spent such a long time alone.
I was worried that once completed, I wouldn't know the name of this little character, that formed in my hands, quite unplanned. But of course, when I stopped....and took a minute....I knew it had been Agnes all along.